According to financial “experts” everywhere, there are two types of people: spenders and savers. Spenders instinctively spend money while savers instinctively save money. After listening to far too many personal finance and financial independence podcasts, I have a gripe about this dichotomy. Too frequently in heterosexual couple interviews or interviews where a partner in a heterosexual couple is interviewed, the woman either admits to being or is declared the “spender” in the couple.
Fine, if it is true. However, the reality seems quite more nuanced. We are all spenders; it is just a question of whether we are also savers. For a true test regarding whether we tilt more towards savings or spending, the marshmallow test is a better indicator to see if we can delay our gratification from money to a later date rather than spend it now. Instead, a number of sexist attitudes surrounding spending that also belittle the household roles often assumed by women provide the false appearance that women skew towards being spenders when that is not actually the case.
Sexism in Spending Choices
Women are condemned for buying shoes, purses, clothes, and jewelry because these items are viewed as frivolous nonessentials (other than your basic shoes and clothes, of course). If you have a record-breaking purse collection, this may be a real concern. These purchases will also certainly hinder goals like retiring early or paying down debt. However, these purchases are most consistently tied to the frivolous spending of an out-of-control spender.
What is not considered frivolous spending? A male partner needs a new vehicle to get to work because the old one died. He could spend less than $20k on a Honda Civic that will get him to and from work just fine, but instead he buys a brand new Jeep Wrangler for $55k. The difference in these two purchases is more than $35k!
Thirty-five thousand dollars is a lot of purses.
Yet in the eyes of many, that vehicle is viewed as essential (i.e., a need) even though more than half of its value is completely nonessential spending (i.e., a want). For some folks, that is an entire annual salary of nonessential spending!
While this is an expensive example, products and experiences that are stereotypically purchased by men are generally not considered frivolous spending while products and experiences that are stereotypically purchased by women are considered frivolous. Going to the big game or a networking happy hour is just what folks do to live their best life. Getting a manicure or having a spa day is a high-maintenance luxury. Buying a new tool belt is considered essential, even if it is only used once and could have been borrowed from a friend or rented for the project. Buying new shoes for a friend’s wedding is considered frivolous because they will only be worn three times to extremely formal events. Guess what? Three is more than one.
This largely happens because the marketing around products and experiences sold primarily to women is typically about treating yourself because you deserve it, declaring that the product or experience is not a necessity. Marketing for products and services primarily marketed towards men tries to tell men they need a certain product or experience, typically for their career, love life, or to “be the man” in some way. The subliminal messaging is that the products and experiences marketed to women are nonessential while the products and services marketed to men are essential. All of these types of items are actually the type that constitute happiness spending goals, and you should have some well managed and planned spending in these categories.
The Cost of Running a Household
If the sexist marketing surrounding the stereotypical audiences of happiness spending areas is not enough, women do actually spend more money in heterosexual households. Why? Because they are managing more of the household chores and tasks. In families with a male and female partner, the woman makes more purchases on average simply because she recognizes when the family needs more paper towels, is out of laundry detergent, or does not have enough pasta sauce for dinner. Everyone in the household uses these items, but more women actually buy them because they notice that they are needed. (Shoutout to my awesome partner for breaking sexist stereotypes and making more of our household purchases, even if it is using my credit card due to our household budgeting!)
How Lacking a Budget Perpetuates Sexism
In situations where a woman makes more household purchases but the household has a budget that is reviewed by both partners, it is apparent that the woman is spending more money for the good of the entire household. In a healthy monthly budget meeting, it becomes clear that the woman spent $30 more than her partner because she bought paper towels, laundry detergent, and pasta sauce.
When a heterosexual couple does not have a budget, or does not track their spending in another method, this discrepancy is more difficult to see. A man who is unaware that the household needed more paper towels, laundry detergent, and pasta sauce then accuses his partner of overspending by $30 even though she was making purchases enjoyed by the entire household. This is unhealthy, causes financial stress, and can even lead to financial abuse in extreme situations if a woman has only enough money to cover household needs while the man has extra spending money.
Budgets are equalizers and prevent sexism around spending. By setting a budget or tracking spending categories, it reveals what each member of a household is purchasing to pinpoint if one person is carrying many of the joint everyday expenses. In my experience, more men accuse women of being spenders while they are savers, but more men also resist implementing a budget or spending goals in their personal life (despite often doing so with their businesses). While purely conjecture, I find this suspicious. Perhaps these men do not want to recognize their own frivolous spending.
We Are All Spenders
Whether you buy 100 purses or the Jeep Wrangler, you are a spender. I am a spender. We all are spenders! Some of us are better savers than others, but we all spend.
But we can change the script around the spenders versus savers dichotomy to make it less sexist. The world views me as a saver because I do not buy shoes, purses, clothes, or jewelry, if I can avoid it. I also spend more than $1,000 on baseball tickets and food each year, but this is viewed as an acceptable experience. Would it be viewed the same if I spent that same amount on manicures and pedicures? I doubt it. Since my favorite form of entertainment is marketed predominantly towards men, society does not consider me a spender. This is incorrect. I spend four figures on baseball, and that is spending.
There is nothing wrong with spending as long as you are targeting your spending towards your happiness spending goals. Spend on what you value most, whether that is baseball tickets, purses, or a Jeep Wrangler. Save for what is important to you in the mid-term and long-term. If you have a partner, track your household spending so you can see if one person spends more on joint expenses. Enjoy your spending, prioritize your saving, and recognize that being a “spender” or a “saver” is just another form of sexism to belittle the spending choices of women.
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