It is often said that there are only two certainties in life: death and taxes. At some point you will likely come face-to-face with that reality when a loved one passes away unexpectedly. There are myriad resources on getting your affairs in order, but what should you do when someone dies suddenly without being “ready”?
I intend “loved ones” to apply broadly to the most important people in a person’s life. It includes family, chosen family, and close friends.
Notification of death
The first task when someone dies is to notify the important people in their lives. There will be time for mundane paperwork later. For now, think about their inner circle, i.e., folks who would want to know about the death and pay their respects. Their best friend growing up needs to know, but the cable bill can wait.
Rather than designating one person to make dozens of calls, designate different people to notify discrete groups. You can then ask whomever you reach first in each of those groups to notify others in that group. Rather than notifying all of your relative’s church contacts, for instance, you can reach out to their pastor and ask them to notify their other church folks. The benefit of this approach is that someone in that group will be in a better position to know whom else to contact within that group.
Here are some examples of groups that should be notified, to the extent applicable:
Immediate family members (spouse, parents, siblings, children)
These folks will generally want to know immediately, at any time of day or night.
Chosen family and friends
Extended family members (aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews)
Religious community
Social community (Lions Club, Scouts, rugby team, etc.)
Job community (employer, clients, etc.)
A good way to reach folks in the deceased’s outer circle is to post the death notification and funeral announcement (more on that below) to their social media. To the extent possible, though, anyone who is close to the deceased should be notified by a phone call before seeing it for the first time on Facebook. In general, it is likely a good idea to wait a day or two before posting information on social media to allow individual contacts in various communities to inform others within those communities personally.
Designating representatives
There are lots of tasks to handle in the aftermath of a death. Divide up responsibilities to the extent possible so that one person is not left shouldering all the burdens. You might have one person delegate tasks related to funeral arrangements, another coordinate cleaning out the house, and someone else run point on the estate paperwork.
Notice the key words “delegate,” “coordinate,” and “run point.” Hopefully there are others available and willing to help. (Unfortunately, this is not always the case!) For example, the person in charge of the funeral should not have to write the obituary and deliver the eulogy in addition to interfacing with the funeral home. They are merely the team captain in that area; their responsibility is to make sure that someone is completing each subtask, rather than doing it themselves or micro-managing.
Funeral arrangements
Handling the funeral arrangements is the first major logistical task. The specifics will depend on the wishes of the deceased and their family, including any important personal preferences, local customs, and religious traditions.
Funeral arrangements include obtaining death certificates, publishing an obituary, planning the memorial, and body disposition.
When someone dies, the most immediate concern is handling their remains. Contact a local funeral home to collect the body. The funeral home needs to know whether the deceased should be cremated immediately or if the body needs to be preserved for a memorial service. The body can also be preserved initially until further decisions are made.
Cremation and burial are the most common options for body disposition. Other options include full-body donation to a medical school, an eternal reef, aquamation, or brain donation to a CTE research facility. The timing and type of funeral service will impact how a body is handled even for the same type of final disposition. For instance, a body that is cremated immediately will be handled differently than one that will be cremated following an open-casket funeral.
If organ donation is desired, communicate that immediately since time is crucial to preserve organs. Organ donation status is often indicated on a driver license.
If whole-body donation is desired, the receiving organization (typically a medical school) will usually collect the body. This typically requires advance arrangements.
Funeral homes can coordinate with other funeral homes and transfer remains. If the decedent dies while on vacation, for instance, a local funeral home could collect and embalm their remains, and then transfer the body to a funeral home in the decedent’s hometown to coordinate the memorial service and burial.
The most efficient way to obtain death certificate copies is to order them through the funeral home, which is why I include that task under the funeral arrangements umbrella. Simply tell them how many copies you need. I typically recommend ordering a dozen copies since it is better to have too many than not enough. You can obtain additional copies later, but it is more difficult and requires additional time, so avoid that extra hassle by getting extra copies initially.
It is common to publish an obituary, or at least a death notification, in one or more local newspapers where the decedent lived prior to their death. If they have strong ties to other areas, the death notification or obituary is typically published there as well.
Unlike a full obituary, a death notification simply informs the public of the fact of death and the time and place of the memorial, if any. One way to save money is to publish a death notification in the newspaper that contains a link to the full obituary on the funeral home’s website. (This saves money because the cost of newspaper advertisements are based on column inches.)
A memorial service can be a religious funeral mass in a church, secular funeral in a park or at the funeral home itself, celebration of life or wake at a local bar, or any other type of service in any location desired. These typically take place in the decedent’s hometown. You can hold one service or several, or hold one service that is broadcast anywhere in the world. Common elements often include a pre-funeral viewing (called “visiting hours” or “calling hours” in some places), funeral service, and brief graveside service, but the specifics are completely up to the decedent’s loved ones.
If you are the one in charge of funeral arrangements, you will quickly learn that death is expensive! Save money by opting for a low-cost casket and container. Casket rental may also be available, depending on the decedent’s burial wishes. There is no sense in paying several thousand dollars for a box that people will see for a few hours at most, especially if the decedent opts for cremation.
Some folks have partial or fully prepaid funeral trusts. The local funeral home may have this information, or you may discover it while combing through their financial records.
Personal belongings
At some point, the decedent’s personal belongings will need to be managed. This is a separate task by itself, so consider designating someone else to handle it. If the decedent left a will, there may be specific directions regarding who is to receive certain items. For items not specifically assigned, consider letting family members take turns selecting items of sentimental value.
If the estate may not have enough money to pay all its debts, only sentimental items of little or no value should be distributed; any items of significant value should be sold.
After all the sentimental items have been claimed, hold an estate sale and/or donate items that remain in good condition. Research what kinds of donations are accepted by potential donation recipients, and check whether they have room currently available for any large donations prior to moving large furniture or collections.
Any remaining property that is of little or no value, and is not sentimental to anyone, can be discarded. It is okay to throw stuff away! Remind yourself that your grandmother’s knickknacks did their job, so to speak, so it is not disrespectful to discard them.
Paint a financial picture
An estate is all the assets, of whatever type, held by a decedent at the time of their death. It is a separate legal entity from the decedent themselves and acts through the personal representative of the estate. (A personal representative may also be called an administrator, executor, or executrix.) Any liabilities held by the decedent at the time of their death become liabilities of the decedent’s estate.
After the memorial service and burial, the personal representative will need to comb through the decedent’s finances to locate and gather assets, pay liabilities, close accounts, sell property, and distribute funds to beneficiaries. Filing a probate case in court may also be necessary depending on the nature and size of the estate, but you may also be able to claim assets using small-estate affidavit procedures depending on local law.
Estate assets should not be distributed until all liabilities and expenses are paid. Nobody is liable for a decedent’s liabilities (including unpaid taxes), but creditors can come after beneficiaries to the extent of their inheritance if they receive money or other assets while unpaid debts remain. If you are running point on the estate finances, communicate this early to all relevant parties to prevent any difficulties paying off debts.
You can start combing through finances earlier if there are enough folks to appropriately delegate tasks, but it is perfectly fine to delay painting a financial picture until later in the timeline if that is easier.
Painting a financial picture is the most logistically challenging task following a death, even for someone who is organized and has their affairs in order. The following tips will help guide you—or the personal representative, if that is not you—along the way.
As you traverse the path of painting a financial picture, maintain a list of all accounts, assets, etc. that includes name, contact information (including online login credentials), and value. Include social media and e-mail accounts in your list, plus any professional affiliations (such as teacher, attorney, or engineer). Be sure to update account information—including login credentials and two-factor authentication methods—as appropriate. Creating a new e-mail address for the estate helps immensely.
Go through the decedent’s personal belongings. You will likely find important information in surprising places. Organize documents found by type of account. Each credit card, utility, etc. should have a separate folder. You will likely find important legal documents and life insurance policies if they exist.
Access the decedent’s cell phone and computer if possible. Their e-mail account is a gold mine for information. Comb through past e-mails and monitor new incoming messages. A password vault is also a rich source of information regarding the decedent’s accounts.
Contact the post office to have the decedent’s mail forwarded. Monitor incoming mail closely for at least two or three months.
Obtain bank statements for the past six months and ask if the decedent owns a safety deposit box; if there is a safety deposit box, ask what is needed for access. Review bank statements for recurring charges and payments. Bank statements will potentially alert you to items such as utilities, credit cards, storage lockers, gym memberships, bowling league dues, professional affiliation fees, and recurring donations to the local community garden.
You will probably find the places the decedent banked when going through their personal belongings (because they have a debit card in a wallet), mail, or e-mail. I have also known of folks who simply called all the local banks to ask whether their relative who died had a bank account.
If the decedent rents their home, contact their landlord. The landlord should also be able to inform you about local utility providers.
If the decedent owns their home, a local real estate agent will be useful in locating utility providers and eventually helping you sell the home.
Copies of past tax returns (and supporting documents) if you can find them, will be helpful. For instance, Schedule B will list interest and dividends received, and Form 8849 will include details of capital gains. If you cannot find copies of past tax returns, contact the IRS to request wage and income transcripts for the past three years. Wage and income transcripts contain names and addresses of past employers, banks that paid interest, brokerages that paid dividends and capital gains, and more.
You can locate employment-based retirement accounts, such as pensions and 401(k) plans, by contacting current and previous employers. If that is unsuccessful, those accounts can sometimes be located with a Social Security Number, which you can find on tax returns.
Access credit reports at annualcreditreport.com to find open loans and credit card accounts.
Even if it is not otherwise required, filing a probate case might be a good idea if it is likely that there are additional creditors you have not found. Part of the probate process will involve publishing a notice to creditors that gives them a limited window of time to notify you of their claims.
Find unclaimed property by accessing unclaimed claimed property databases for states in which the decedent lived.
As a last resort, contact a forensic accountant for assistance in locating the decedent’s assets.
Contact providers and close accounts
Once you have an accurate financial picture of the decedent, the next step is to stop recurring charges, pay debts, and close accounts.
Some of this can be done while painting the financial picture. However, if there is any doubt as to whether there are sufficient assets to pay all debts, it is best to gather all assets before paying any debts, and then let the court decide which creditors get paid. Seek legal assistance if you find yourself in this situation; do not try this alone!
Contact any life insurance policy issuers and provide a death certificate. Policy benefits are typically paid quickly once the identity of the recipient is positively established. Payment can be delayed if the death happened under questionable circumstances or there is a large benefit.
Contact all banks, brokerage firms, and retirement account custodians. Provide a death certificate. If the accounts have a pay-on-death designation, the account proceeds will be paid to the beneficiary; otherwise, the account proceeds will be paid to the estate. Be sure to provide your name and address so they can send you year-end tax information.
Many banks and credit unions offer life insurance as a member benefit, and folks with loans sometimes have credit life insurance on those accounts. Be sure to ask!
Contact the decedent’s employer. They need to know about the death, and your contact information to send year-end tax information. You need to claim any unpaid salary and benefits (including life insurance and retirement accounts, if applicable). The decedent may have designated someone to receive these funds; if not, those funds will be paid to the estate. If the employer’s retirement account is administered by an outside provider, the employer will be able to provide that contact information.
Contact the relevant professional licensing boards to inform them of the death. (If you have not already found these while painting the financial picture, you will eventually receive renewal notices forwarded by mail or e-mail, and can address it then.)
If you intend to sell the home, contact a local real estate agent for assistance. If someone will inherit the decedent’s home, contact a local title company or real estate attorney for assistance in transferring title to the property. A local real estate agent can provide referrals. Be sure that utility accounts are brought current and then transferred to the appropriate person.
For social media accounts, you will eventually need to decide whether to keep the account open, maintain them as memorial accounts, or delete them, but the timetable on deciding is literally whatever you choose.
Use the proceeds gathered to pay outstanding liabilities of the decedent (such as credit cards, car loans, and medical bills) and close the accounts.
File tax returns
As the personal representative, you will be responsible for filing all required tax returns for the decedent. You will need to file any unfiled tax returns and a tax return for the year of death. You may also need to file an estate tax return (depending on the size of the estate) and an income tax return for the estate (if the estate itself earned income). Consult IRS Publication 559 for details!
I worked with a person who reached out to me shortly after her sister died in March 2023. We filed the sister’s 2022 tax return and then, in early 2024, the sister’s 2023 tax return. Her estate will also need to file an income tax return based on the profits from her recent house sale. However, the estate was not large enough to need an estate tax return.
Close the estate
Once all the assets have been gathered, debts paid, accounts closed, tax returns filed, and funds distributed, you can finally close the estate. Sometimes this process takes just a few months, and other times it takes years. In most cases, there is a lot of activity in the first few months, and then just a few lingering issues (like tax returns) that pop up periodically over the next year.
Final tips
First and foremost, take care of yourself. Eat, sleep, and drink plenty of water. Know that the grieving process is different for everyone; allow yourself to process the death on your own terms. You may also feel relief, anger, or indifference, and that is fine too. Give yourself grace, lean on others, and do not be shy about seeking professional help.
Also know that outside of some immediate decisions, most tasks can be handled at a time of your choosing and does not need to follow a particular timetable. Just keep good records of your activities.
The suggestion about leaning on others, including professionals, also applies to dealing with logistics. You are entitled to spend reasonable amounts on accountants, attorneys, and other professionals to assist you in managing the estate. When in doubt, hire it out! I have worked with many folks in handling the final affairs of a loved one (throughout the “prepared” spectrum), and have been an executor myself, so I can be a good resource.
Finally, this is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Many of these are good suggestions even in the best-case scenario where someone is impeccably organized and prepared. At the same time, not all of these suggestions will apply to or be helpful for your situation.
You are doing a great service to your loved ones in honoring the decedent by helping to manage their final affairs. Take this a step further and get your own affairs in order to ease the burden on the loved ones you will leave behind.
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